When I went overboard, the shock of the cold was greater than the shock of your hand at my back. I swallowed the dark Atlantic, warmed to its voices. Keening whales sang me to her. She was tangled in your fraying halyard.
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This is as lovely as it is haunting.
ReplyDeleteSuch a nice thing to say. Thank you, Kristin!
DeleteWow, this is so haunting and I love how you capture a dreamlike underwater world. Loved all the imagery you create but especially that Whales line. Reference to sound adds to the overall effect of the 42 words.
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear what works and why! (Did you ever read Sounds of the Humpback Whale by Jodi Picoult?) Thank you so much for all that love, GD!
Delete"swallowed the dark Atlantic" is such a beautiful, haunting line. I felt like I was under water and being lured by the song of the sea.
ReplyDeleteVery nice Kymm. xo
Thought I'd turn the tables and swallow it instead of it me : ) So glad you were there with me, Kir. Thank you! xo
DeleteThe word choices are so impressive. I liked this a lot.
ReplyDeleteLove when the words hit home, and so glad you liked it. Thanks, Lance!
DeleteInteresting...to drown, but be saved by a mermaid.
ReplyDeleteHmmm Isn't that what mermaids do? Thanks for reading, Kathy!
DeleteI don't know what to say Kymm - it just keeps getting better. I like the idea of being directed by the song vs. being lured by the song. This is really good.
ReplyDeleteWhatever it is, you're good at saying it : ) Yeah, it started with the push and just kept going. Thank you so much, Thom!
DeleteIm not exactly sure how to interpret that last line, but the image it leaves me with is disturbing and moving. Very well done, Kymm!
ReplyDeleteHa! Interpretation is up to the interpreter - go wherever you want with it. I'm happy to disturb and move - hehe. Thank you so much, Nate!
DeleteAnything with "halyard" is a winner for me! I love the change/contrast between "shock of the cold" and "warmed to its voices." Also, "Keening whales sang me to her" is lovely.
ReplyDeleteExactly what Jennifer said...my comment would have been exactly that :-)
DeleteI tried out so many lines, Jennifer, but halyard really wanted to be there. Thank you so much for the love, and for picking out what you liked!
DeleteHaha, glad to have you aboard then, CC!! Thank you in equal measure : )
DeleteThe Atlantic is full of secrets, isn't it? I like that you found one of them!
ReplyDeleteHehehe Tell me you didn't put that particular one there, Tina. xo
DeleteGreat job!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cindy!
DeleteThis is gorgeous, dreamy, ethereal. So well done. I especially loved this line: the shock of the cold was greater than the shock of your hand at my back. It says so much with such clarity.
ReplyDeleteOoohhh I'm loving your qualifiers. Nothing like clear-sighted readers, either : ) Thanks for the love, Meg!
DeleteI love swallowing the dark Atlantic. Very cool write!
ReplyDeleteMmmm Thank you for the love, Susan!
DeleteWow - So many elements I love. The imagery of warming and the keening whale was wonderful. You do have an understanding of the ocean and boats.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I was brought up to be a sailor, but don't have the pockets for it. So glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for the love, Ann!
DeleteEerie... siren song in the ocean is haunting :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anita!
DeleteI love the physical feelings you give to this one!
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear; I wrote it physical. Thanks for the love, Soumyaa!
DeleteI like the detail about the cold water being more shocking than the hand in this haunting little story.
ReplyDeleteS'all in the details, innit? Thank you, Marcy!
DeleteThis is so dark and beautiful. I can hear the whales' songs now.
ReplyDeleteThat's just what we aim for, right? So glad it got to you. Thanks, April!
DeleteSuch lovely things to say. Thank you so much, Jo-Anne!
ReplyDelete"I swallowed the dark Atlantic" - now that's a hell of a line!
ReplyDeleteAll of it, every bit of it! Haha Thank you, Marc!!
DeleteI too liked the line about swallowing the dark Atlantic. (I had to look up "halyard" though...)
ReplyDeleteThank you, amharte! Guessing you don't sail : )
DeleteWow, so much in so few words!
ReplyDelete: ) Thank you, Catherine!
DeleteLoved this line: "I swallowed the dark Atlantic, warmed to its voices."
ReplyDeleteThank you for the love, Helen!
DeleteThis feels to me a bit of murder and mayhem, a cold acceptance of the death to come. I like it.
ReplyDeleteGlad you can feel it, and that you like it. Thank you so much, Jon!
Delete