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Sunday, February 24, 2013

Gentle Umbrage


Kevin drove in wild panic to the marina. The sailboat out of Puckerbrush Island was gone.
No, he said.
Not now, he thought the woman shouted, but it was only a squawking gull.
 
      33 words culled from page 33 of Olive Kitteridge, by Elizabeth Strout.
 

38 comments:

  1. Wow! What a great hook! If this was the start of a novel, I would have purchased it in a heartbeat, just to find out what happened next.

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    1. Ha! That's such a nice thing to say. Thanks, Tina!

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  2. This is great, Kymm. I used to live near the beach and so often the seagulls made me think someone was either crying or said something and I did a double-take. And the panic in the driving - what's up? Terrific opening to something...

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    1. Yeah, I grew up in a beach/harbor town.
      Don't ask me about the plot. Words, words, words. Thanks, Steph!

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  3. oh, no . . . he missed the boat . . . and you have us wanting more. :)

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    1. But maybe it was a good thing he missed the boat? Thanks, Barbara!

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  4. I like this, the last line's really clever :)

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  5. looks like an intriguing start to a great story! :)

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    1. Wish I knew what it was... Thanks, kz!

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  6. Amazing. You mastered the challenge. Great entry.

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  7. wonderful capture of the seagull's "voice"

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    1. lol I can hear seagulls in my sleep! Thanks, Jody!

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    1. Something tells me you know more than I what he was so close to, Draug!

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  9. Like the little mystery there.. nice job :)

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  10. This is really good. Hooked me in immediately. :)

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    1. Hmmm, two hooks, must be a fish story! Thanks, Scriptor!

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  11. So...there a story brewing here---right?
    You got it! Great job!

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    1. Sadly, no story. It was all I could do to make some words make sense.
      Thank you, Renee!

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  12. Excellent! Sounds like its a sentence right out of a book.

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    1. Can we aspire to anything higher? Thanks so much, Kenya!

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  13. Oh, wow. This was really neat. Not now - haunting.

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    1. Glad for the haunting. Thanks, Kelly!

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  14. Fantastic take-love the way you wove the words Kymm:-)

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    1. Like the love. Thank you so much, Atreyee!

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  15. Great hook in those 33 words Kymm! Love the sense of urgency. Makes me wonder what preceded this moment.

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    1. 3rd hook! Definitely a fish story. If only I knew which one!
      Thanks, Suzanne!

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  16. Hey, that was well done. And after your last line, I'm not even going to try.

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    1. Well, thank you, Ted. Not try? No fair!

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  17. I do like it!
    Maybe a spot of punctuation on the last line would prevent the double-take I gave it?
    "Not now!" he thought ...

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    1. Glad you like it, Colonialist! Thanks!
      I considered quotes, but on the one hand, I'm a stickler for rules (using words "as is"). On the other, it kind of intrigued me that you can't tell if it was he who thinks 'not now', or if he thinks he hears a woman shouting 'not now'.

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  18. This leaves me wanting to know more... Loved it.

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    1. Me, too. But somehow I feel I could only advance 33 words at a time, taken from random page 33's. lol
      Thanks for loving it, Sarah!

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