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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Habit Is A Hard Thing To Break

At the back of her neck, right at the top of the cervical vertebrae, thoughts gather. Some quietly exchange barbed insults; others remain poised and still, building up steam. A gut reaction bursts in – sent by the whiff of a closed and musty classroom, the glimpse of a lock of hair that looked, but wasn't, familiar – then settles into a morose and vicious circle.
Still the thoughts gather, though the gathering becomes louder, more raucous, less contained. Words bounce off each other, reverberate across the ear canal, down the windpipe, soundless.
The head gets crowded. A fond memory is elbowed by a repressed insult, a fanciful hope is briefly entertained by the very beginning of a cunningly-woven lie. Thoughts take sides and turn more boisterous, less self-conscious. Maybe it is the memory of a slight taken too well and now regretted.
Soon there is a bubbling, a jostling, and a mean streak pops up to nudge the roiling thoughts over the edge, and they take off, racing in mad swaths across the trajectories of rogue synapses and déjà-vues. Wishes of youth fly past like the seconds on a ticking bomb, and turn, one after the other, into beggarly pleas. They leave streaks of yellow and green across the back of her eyes, making her want to dip her head into the rapids of an ice cold river. 

She rubs her temples with the tips of her fingers and wonders what would happen if she 


(And yes, it did end there.)

42 comments:

  1. Kymm. I loved every single word of this. Wonderfully original and so well written. Bravo!!!

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    1. So happy to hear that, Linda! Thank you for all the love!

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  2. I feel like I really get this. I like your style.

    The mind. Though a terrible thing to waste, it can be quite the Tricky McTrickster of jumbled, free flowing, rollercoaster transported fucked up awesomeness.

    It's amazing how beautifully and easily you seem to convey and take control of something so untamable.

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    1. It's incredibly nice to be "gotten". Thanks so much for your kind words.
      For the record, I'm better with words than with the fucked up jumble of my mind!

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  3. Love this line: "racing in mad swaths across the trajectories of rogue synapses and déjà-vues" – what an excellent piece about our poor brains. Love the idea of thoughts exchanging barbed insults. Wonderfully done, as always, Kymm!

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    1. Glad you liked that line, Suzanne. It took me a few stabs.
      Thank you, as always, for your kind, encouraging words.

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  4. Bravo, Kymm! This is so original, and well executed! I often wondered what went on in my head, but now I know what goes on in yours-genius, that's what! I loved this piece!!

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    1. No fair, your knowing what goes on in my head!!!
      lol So glad you liked it, Valerie, and thanks so much for your lovely words.

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  5. I can only echo the other comments and say - how original. Our thoughts have a 'mind' of their own, don't the? Out of our control they scurry around causing trouble. Great ending as she rubs her temples. Your writing thrills me, kymm!

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    1. So glad you liked the ending. I just couldn't... Well, my mind wouldn't... : }
      That last comment of yours thrills me, Steph!! Thank you.

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  6. Very creative--almost a description of a manic phase, although the manic would not have stopped midsentence. That was tricksy!

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    1. I don't know how creative it is. It's a pretty fair description of what goes on when I stop for a minute and let my mind "run free".
      So I keep busy - lol
      Thanks, Tina!

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  7. What they said ^^^. It's all just so good. Our brains are such a jumbled up mess when we are creating. You've perfectly and wonderfully described the mess.

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    1. Oh, if only it were just when I was creating... lol
      Thank so much, Debbie!

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  8. A unique take, it was like traveling inside the mind of the narrator. And that end is just mindblowingly scary

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    1. Haha. Didn't mean to scare you!
      Thanks for the feedback, Björn!

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  9. Excellent description--vivid and at a break-neck pace.

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  10. Those jumbled thoughts seem just like mine, not just in the flighty way they arrive, but these are some of the actual thoughts that contantly go through my mind. It's almost spooky. I admire your ability to put this in wirting and to do so in such a compelling manner. Beautiful job!

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    1. Hahaha something something minds think alike? I won't go there, okay?!
      Glad it connected with you, lumdog. That is always the idea, after all!
      Thank you so much for your kind words.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you, Kristin!

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  12. I enjoyed reading this. The riddles of mind are often so difficult to decipher ...... and you did it well.

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    1. I deciphered something???
      lol Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks, Aesop!

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  13. How visceral, how vivid and I will pass on a comment that Bjorn left with me this week, that I would call this writing poetry.

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    1. Haha, don't mind have second-hand comments like that at all!
      Thank you so much, Jennifer!

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  14. chaotic,frustrated,radio-firing. Well done and thanks for coming by.

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    1. Glad you liked it, LaTonya. Thank you!
      Thanks also to you for coming to read here.

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  15. This was a unique and descriptive look into the mind. I love how you left off the last sentence, so we can only imagine what would happen.

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    1. Not sure if it was a writerly flair or just resignation...
      Thanks so much for the love, Janna!

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  16. Oh this is good. Loved the jostling and fighting for supremacy of all those different thoughts.

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    1. Haha Same old, same old, Sarah!
      Glad you liked it. Thanks for the love!

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  17. so THAT'S how my mind works! Great post!

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    1. Well, if it's any comfort to you... lol
      Thank you, Bryan!

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  18. This perfectly encapsulates the lack of control we often have over our own minds, especially this line - "A fond memory is elbowed by a repressed insult." Excellent.

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    1. Annoying, isn't it?? lol Glad you could relate.
      Thank you so much, Jean!
      (btw, which is your site?)

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  19. Oh, you got me so caught up in this and then

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  20. What an amazing way to describe all those activities that go on in the mind - the vivid imagery makes every scenario come alive! Wonderfully creative, Kymm!

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    1. Glad it came alive for you. Thank you so much, Lena!

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