This one was it. Janie knew as
soon as she dialed the number. Her big pay-off was about to happen. The phone
chord, stretched taut to reach into the pantry, was quivering in the
excitement of Janie’s big moment. The tiresome research and endless waiting, the
patient vigils, the cutting and pasting were done. She had put off the phone
call until all the stars were aligned, the pieces of the puzzle -the enigma of
Janie- were in place. More than once she had taken a deep breath, considering
the risks, and held that breath while she recalled all her past
disappointments, reliving those carefully constructed dreams that had been dashed
in an instant. Success, fulfilment, happiness: nudged just beyond her reach.
Was this yet one more beguiling rainbow about to be smudged grey?
Janie wanted to hang up,
wanted to press her finger against the button, put the phone quickly back in place,
but she knew this was it. This was her crowning glory, her longed-for triumph.
She remained curled around the receiver, squatting inside the dark pantry, the
door jammed shut on the phone chord. The quivering phone chord. Janie held her
breath between rings.
On the third ring she coughed.
A tickly cough that she knew was just beginning. She could feel it working up
into a coughing fit that would not stop just because the person at the other
end of the line was about to answer the telephone.
Holding the receiver close
against her ear, Janie wrapped the trembling phone chord, the quivering coil
about her neck and pulled. Slowly she tightened it, choking back the cough. Tighter.
Cough. Tight. Ring.
This week wants us to use the third definition of RAINBOW (noun) 3 [from the impossibility of reaching
the rainbow, at whose foot a pot of gold is said to be buried] : an illusory goal or hope
This is so scary.Janie should'nt have done this.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the scary, but thanks for reading, Kalpana!
Deleteoh what an agonizing post. At first it reminded me of my teen years as I grew up curled up on the couch chatting by the hour on cord phones....
ReplyDeleteI was thinking so hard about modern phones that the cord ended up taking over the story...
DeleteSorry for the agony, Sandra!
I was not expecting the end. Terrifyingly good! I recall twisting those cords so I got the tension buildup here.
ReplyDeleteActually, I wasn't expecting that ending either.
DeleteThanks so much, Gina!
Oh, I love the turn this took. The tension was perfectly built, I wanted to know what the big moment was for her and then to realize what was happening was wonderful/horrifying.
ReplyDeleteHaha Curiosity killed the cat, as it were.
DeleteThanks for the love, Jennifer!
That was a horrifying and unexpected ending.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the horrifying, Janna. The ending was unexpected for me, too, if it's any consolation : )
DeleteOh what an unexpected ending!! Loved it Kymm
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the love, Dhriti!
DeleteNO! What are you doing? Great last paragraph...I want more
ReplyDeleteWho, me? Oh, Janie. lol Thanks, Lance!
DeleteQuick concrit: taught = taut
ReplyDeleteUmmm, we're going to need another few hundred words, please. I love how everyone remembers the curling phone cords. :-) This is expertly suspenseful.
Thanks for linking up!
Argh! That one always gets away from me. Fixing.
DeleteRemembers the cord...??? I still have them. *will stop ignoring kids' requests for new phones*
Thanks, Tri!
My, that was totally unexpected! I gather that the story kind of took you for a turn as you were writing it? Definitely gripping, though very, very sad.
ReplyDeleteYup, took me there all by itself. But my version is wholly metaphorical : )
DeleteThanks, Sandra!
No no no I wanted to know what she had found out, who she was calling, why she had gone through so much....Argh! haha So frustratingly good.
ReplyDeleteNo, really you don't. It's so much more mundane. lol Thanks, Draug!
DeleteUnexpected end...more words please! Great take on the prompt, Kymm.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it. Thanks, TIZ!
DeleteI loved this Kymm, because I happen to love phones that have cords (especially old black phones.) I've also had those times where I felt a coughing fit coming on at the worst possible time-but not while I've been on the phone. Here, in this deliciously suspenseful piece of genius, it all came together! Bravo!!
ReplyDeleteI just had this vision of this total loser (not me, nothing like me, ever) and of course it all just has to end badly. lol
DeleteThanks for the love, Valerie!
oooh, well. I wasn't expecting that ending at all. good stuff! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think she was expecting it either.
DeleteThanks so much, Christina!
Never expected that horrible ending. Well written and powerful. I could feel the cord around my neck.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the feel of the cord around your neck (hope you could get it off).
DeleteThanks, lumdog!
Very tense, and on edge all the time. Yes, the ending masterful, suspense to surprise.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear it kept you on edge. And thanks, Pirate!
DeleteI felt like that phone cord by the end of the story - tense, tense, tense.
ReplyDeleteHahaha Hope you managed to unwind.
DeleteThank you kindly, Jean!
Why? what?..I am a bit clueless...I hope u pick up the story in your next post.
ReplyDeleteNope, just gonna leave Janie hanging there... lol
DeleteThanks for reading, Sini! (and you're not clueless, probably just much less cynical than I am.)
putting my little knowledge of forensic medicine into use, i doubt she'll die.... or would she?
ReplyDeleteWell, technically I didn't actually kill her, but with the phone cord jammed in the door, an uncontrollable coughing fit and the cord wrapped around her neck...
Deletelol Thanks for considering it, Habiba!
Argh-no!Why the hell is Janie doing this?Who is she calling?What about her past?Is she a teenager or not?Did the chord get wrapped around her neck in the excitement?Am plagued with questions Kymm-answers please-curiosity will definitely kill this cat ;-)Great build up here :-)
ReplyDeleteHahaha I really know no more than you do, Atreyee. Thanks for your enthusiasm!
DeleteYes! I want to know more! I love the snippet of a scene you showed here. The amount of detail was great. The suspenseful build up even better. While I love where you ended it, I want more!
ReplyDeleteHahaha Thanks for the love, Wisper.
DeleteI don't think I'm brave enough to try to find out any more!