Moonlight
penetrated the back windows, throwing bright, other-worldly patches onto the
bare floor. Sitting on a pile of books, Kate stretched one bare foot into the
light. Jason would be there soon. Her brother, the rock.
She
could hear the clatter of the downstairs neighbors as they prepared their
dinner. Quiet neighbors who knew nothing, who read about people like Kate in the
newspaper. She pretended to forgive their ignorance, alternately despising and
envying the softness in their speech, the banality of their arguments.
Avoiding
the moon’s white squares, she crept to the darker front room, to the door with
the caged window that gave onto the patio where Ben paced. She watched him from
behind the thin curtain. Earlier, when she had pulled it back, there he had
been, his face a blotching snarl that snapped at the glass, making her squeal
and jump, her heart pumping adrenaline she didn’t need. She had phoned Jason
then.
With
long strides Ben crashed across the porch, fierce in every movement, arms
jerking out as if to punctuate a lecture, or to knock out imaginary rivals. He
turned, abruptly stopping, his arms crooked at his sides as he sniffed the
night air. His head jerked up and to the right, his eyes blazing a hole through
the glass into Kate’s throat. He ran at the door then, threw himself against
the window grate, howling in pain before he struck.
Kate
willed her breath back and opened the window.
“Animal!”
Her
voice was broken.
He
limped off the porch and resumed his pacing. Headlights shot through the hedges
and like a wild boar Ben froze.
‘Kate!”
Jason called as he pulled the car up. He beeped. “Kate? You ready?”
He
had been there before.
She
watched Ben tear across the patio and out to the street. She heard the car’s horn
again, then listened as Ben’s yawp faded away up the hill and became a labored,
frothing pant.
Kate
shouldered her bag and unlocked the door.
333 words for 
including ANIMAL (noun)3:a human
being considered chiefly as physical or nonrational; also: this nature
including ANIMAL (noun)3:a human
being considered chiefly as physical or nonrational; also: this nature 
'13 Untitled (Sally) 51,668;
'12 Barcelona Clash 51,878;
'11 Mojo Madness 52,793;
'10 Changing Directions 53,400;
'09 Daybreak 56,565;
'08 Vacant 52,486
I particularly like - "She pretended to forgive their ignorance, alternately despising and envying the softness in their speech, the banality of their arguments." Can so much relate to it :P.
ReplyDeletePhrases such as - the moon's white squares, her heart pumping adrenaline she did not need - added so much to this already gripping piece.
Thanks so much, TIZ. It's nice to know what phrases speak to others.
DeleteDon't know if it's a good thing or bad that you relate to that first sentence... : )
The extra details you add to this rather terrifying scene are very tasty: "other-worldly patches", she is sitting "on a pile of books", she "willed her breath back". Great write! Thanks for linking up and don't forget to come back to vote!
ReplyDeleteAs an aside - are her "downstairs neighbours" in a basement flat? It seems as if she is ground level when she looks out at Ben.
Tasty! Love it. Thank you Tri!
DeleteAs to the neighbors, think California hills maybe, a sloped plot... Guess I should have just said "neighbors", Laura. Thanks for that, too. Thinking of a different adjective...
Scary and very well described.
ReplyDeleteScary for lots of women... Thanks, Aesop!
DeleteOh this scared me, in the best ways I think. I am normally not a lover of stories that would keep me awake but your word choices and descriptions kept me glued to this, I had to read it again, in order to take it all in.
ReplyDeleteI guess I should just be glad she made it out. ;)
It's always better when she makes it out. Hope it doesn't keep you awake, though.
DeleteThanks for letting yourself be glued, Kir!
Time for some chains and basement!
ReplyDeleteNah, time for a new lock!
DeleteThanks for reading, Melissa!
So gripping and powerful. The line that stood out for me especially was: He had been there before. So ominous!
ReplyDeleteGlad it gripped you. Thanks for picking a line - it's fun to know what others read.
DeleteThanks, Momo!
White squares of moonlight, sitting on a pile of books, as if to punctuate a lecture.. wow, all the details, kymm... nice writing, as always. When Kate is 'on her moon' I bet Ben never, ever comments on her attitude. :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked all those details. I don't believe Ben is going to be doing much commenting...
DeleteThanks, Steph!
This is so scary! I think I'd want to get away from Ben, too :)
ReplyDeleteScary was part of the plan, yes, as was getting away from Ben. Thanks, Janna!
DeleteI love the detailed descriptions. Bone chilling!
ReplyDeleteHappy to make you shiver. Thanks for the love, Gina!
DeleteI also appreciated all the description, how you have us completely immersed in the scene. Wonderful writing.
ReplyDeleteGlad to have you immersed here. Thank you kindly, Kristin!
DeleteNice descriptions and details. You really ground us in the setting. Great job!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed it. Thank you, Margit!
DeleteThank God for a brother like Jason!Wonder if they are going to chase and teach Ben a lesson together-after all it's Harvest Moon-ooooo!:D Just loved this "jump at your throat" tale,with lovely little details tightly packed,like nips and tucks,folding in any loose ends <3
ReplyDeleteJason just came to get her outta there. He did beep at Ben, though. lol
DeleteThanks so much for the love, Atreyee. Glad you enjoyed it.
Wonderful and ferocious! I wonder if he comes back later...
ReplyDeleteOooh ferocious mmmmm. Yeah, he'll be back. It's his house, too.
DeleteThanks, Spencer!
I agree with trifecta the details in this are beautiful, tawp, frothing pant. I had the sense that Ben's transformation was somehow her doing, or was she just his keeper?
ReplyDeleteI actually think I went overboard with the 'beastly' language, especially given the Trifecta crowd's tastes in genre. She's his wife. Hopefully not for long, but I wouldn't place any bets on it, either.
DeleteThanks for the beautiful, Jennifer!
Although I loved all the detailing, wont call them extra but necessary detailing, i particularly loved this one "arms jerking out as if to punctuate a lecture, or to knock out imaginary rivals"
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm glad. I was wondering if that would work. Thank you so much, Habiba!
Delete"She pretended to forgive their ignorance, alternately despising and envying the softness in their speech, the banality of their arguments"
ReplyDeleteI love this line. It really speaks to Kate's frame of mind.
I was captivated throughout. The details of Ben's beastly behavior really ratcheted up the tension for me.
Good to hear. I was worried about ratcheting up too much beast.
DeleteGlad you chose that line. (It was one I worked hard at.)
Thanks so much for the love, Ivy!
Glad you were compelled. Thanks so much, Jo-Anne!
ReplyDeleteSpooky in a good way. I like the title because it prepared me just a little bit. I loved your descriptions of Ben, like these:
ReplyDelete"...his face a blotching snarl that snapped at the glass."
"He turned, abruptly stopping, his arms crooked at his sides as he sniffed the night air."
"Ben’s yawp faded away up the hill and became a labored, frothing pant"
I also liked how you kept the suspense going throughout this writing.
Great take on the prompt:~)
Thank you so much, Sara, for those lovely comments! Glad you liked it.
Delete