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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Deliverance

“Awkward is what it is!” Gerard is sitting in the wheelchair like some elderly pneumonia patient, waiting for Tony to gather up the paperwork. “Give that to me,” he snaps, “and get me the hell out of here.”
Tony fumbles still with the charts, x-rays, CDs, finally managing to slip them all into the folder - why a business folder and not an envelope he’ll never know - and slaps it down on Gerard’s lap.
“Awkward!” Tony kicks at the wheels to straighten them out. “There’s nothing awkward about it except you. I’m your companion. A perfectly ambiguous, inoffensive, let-them-think-what-they-will word. Honest to god, I don’t know what you’re so uptight about. It’s not like you have some reputation to maintain, like you have anything left to throw in people’s faces. What do you care what that silly little nurse’s aide thinks of you?” Tony is now standing in front of Gerard and the wheelchair, hands firmly on hips.
“Can we leave?” Gerard says tight lipped. “I’d like to get the hell out of here before they find something else wrong with me, shove me back in that black hole of an emergency room.”
“It’s me, isn’t it?” Tony has finally begun pushing the wheelchair which keels to the right. “You’re so horrified to be stuck with me that you can’t even treat me like an execrated houseboy. Like your least favorite lackey! I knew I shouldn’t have come here, especially not today with the way I feel and christ the way I look I’ll be scaring the small children.”
“Tony, for chrissake!”
Tony cannot straighten the wheelchair out properly, and he is pushing it diagonally across the hospital entrance, which appears to be a jousting range. “Fine! Let me back you out,” he says. Gerard watches the interior of the hospital recede while he is jerked backwards, unable to witness Tony’s journey towards the exit, on which he is dragged like an afterthought. The jousted glare at him as they stumble away.


40 comments:

  1. I loved this line: on which he is dragged like an afterthought - There's so much more to this relationship, isn't there?

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    1. Yes. This year Trifecta is really helping me move the NaNo novel along with prompts like these.
      Thanks for the love, Kelly! I was hesitant about that line.

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  2. They seem like an odd match haha

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    1. Yup. So often you don't get to pick your companions... Nice to hear you chuckle, Draug!

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  3. Beautifully crafted. I think you are addressing much more then an awry wheel chair.

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    1. Oh, yeah. Funny how inanimate objects bear the brunt of so many unresolved issues.
      Thank you, Aesop!

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  4. There is some sort of a hitch in their relationship. Very well-crafted... left me wondering about it. :-)
    -HA

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    1. Definitely a glitch or two... but I love to leave em wondering!
      Thanks so much HA!

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  5. little glimpse into someone's world. love pieces like this, makes me feel like I am eavesdropping! nice take on the prompt.

    best,
    MOV

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    1. I do know what you mean about eavesdropping. Thanks, MOV!

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  6. Gerard doesn't want to depend on anyone, and now he must. That's hard to get over. Poor Tony is in for some rough days!

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    1. I'm not sure if either of them realize what they're in for. Glad you empathize, Tina. Thanks!

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  7. I like this glimpse into their relationship. I wanted to keep reading because it feels there is so much more to this story.

    The envelope vs. folder thought in the beginning stood out for me because I've had musings like that when I come across things my husband does that don't make sense :)

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    1. Ha! I love that you relate to the envelope-folder conundrum. Glad you liked it, Janna. Thanks!

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  8. These two make quite a pair. I love the tension and the drama, and my heart goes out to them. For better or worse, they need each other:) Wonderful slice of life writing, Kymm!

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    1. Quite a pair - they play a minor part in the NaNo this year, but they do seem to be calling to me. Glad to hear they captured your attention that way.
      Thanks, as always, for being such a wonderful cheerleader, Valerie!

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  9. When my brother-in-law was injured in a bike crash he required a wheelchair for a time. My sister and I found it ridiculously difficult to maneuver. I can see this all play out... the jousting range, pulling him backwards 'like an afterthought' (great line). This is a great scene - the opening to something longer? I love all the parts you didn't write leaving it up to our imaginations to run with the relationship.

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    1. I am especially not good at things medical or things mechanical. Put them together and you get jousting.
      This is a tiny scene from secondary characters in the NaNo, so they probably will end up somewhere more extensive. They do seem to be calling for more attention from me : )
      Thanks for the love, Steph!

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  10. It's hard to have to give up your independence even harder when you make the lives of those around you who are welling to help you hard. The back and forth of this pair was amazing. Great well written life story from you, Kymm.

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    1. Giving up independence is always tough - especially when you have to give it up in more ways than one.
      Thank you so much for your encouraging comments, Glynis!

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  11. This is a very interesting portrayal of a relationship frought with guilt, loyalty and anger. I've seen this played out in real life (my own, I'm afraid) and you carry it off very well.

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    1. I'm glad you read all that into these two, but sorry you recognized them so intimately!
      Thank you so much lum! (And excellent to see you!)

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  12. Love the relationship angle, the tight dialogue and overall feel of this piece. Great job, my friend!

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    1. Happy to hear the dialogue is tight. Thank you so much for the love, TIZ!!

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  13. Patient/caregiver relationship dynamic are so difficult and tricky. Your words shows us that completely. Although I can relate first, second and third hand. Great standalone piece from something bigger (keep going on NaNoWriMo!). I also imagine there is some humor in their relationship as well. There often is during difficult times!

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    1. I think humor would go a long way to alleviating most of the world's ills, but I often get sidetracked.
      Thanks for your wonderful support, Gina (yes, I'll continue slogging away NaNoWriMo)! I'm glad it works alone, and thanks for saying so, too.

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  14. This is from your NaNo? I'd love to read the whole thing. You've got such a way with words, Kymm. Thanks for sharing that with us.

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    1. From NaNo, yeah. This year the prompts are actually helping me move the story along - so thanks for that, too!
      You are very kind, Tri, and I thank you.

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  15. You have control of this, so while I'm not complete on what is happening and why, I couldn't help but read it. Each character has their own voice. Whatever is happening between the two of them is interesting, and further a piece of black comedy.

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    1. Another vote for the comedy - thanks, Turok! I appreciate the feedback : )

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  16. I love the whole thing, but for some reason the last line really made it for me. Something about taking it from appearing to be a jousting range, to referring to them definitively as 'the jousted' was downright perfect.

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    1. Wow, I thought I was really going out on a limb with that last line - great to hear it worked.
      Thanks for that, and for the love, momo!

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  17. the wheelchair is like a McGuffin to the real story - their complicated relationship

    this was very good writing

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    1. Hahaha I had to look up McGuffin. I suck at plots.
      Thank you so much, kind sir!

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  18. An enjoyable read, interesting dialogue!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks, Shannon!

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  19. I thoroughly enjoyed the bitching that went along in this dialogue. If that is realism I don't know what is!! You brilliantly executed this and it rocked!! ♥

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    1. You´re my kinda gal if you enjoy the bitching in my dialogues! Haha
      Thank you so much for your kind words, Kathy!

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  20. This is nice... very real. dragged like an afterthought... I love that one, Kymm.

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    1. Really nice to hear it rings true. Thanks for the love, Ted! (And so good to see you back here!)

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