This story was awarded bronze for Trifecta 112, so I decided to tart up the post a bit with the editors' glowing review here : ) Thanks again, Tri!
Jeanine and her makeover walked into a bar. The door shushed behind her, propelled her across the entryway. Via the doorjamb, standing speaker, barstool and pillar, she felt her way to the first empty table, grabbed the back of a chair with both hands and held on. ‘Get your bearings, Jeanine,’ she heard Chrissie’s voice admonish, and Chrissie was right, of course. The chair Jeanine clutched was facing the wall. The wall would never delight in her low-cut blouse and expensive haircut. Jeanine sidled over to the next chair, using the backs as a safety rope. When she heard a chorus of laughter break out at the far end of the bar, she made sure to place her rump squarely in the seat before satisfying her curiosity. College kids. Oh! Callooh! Callay! In her direct line of vision, she now noticed the couple - clipped from a spread in a fashion magazine - who were utterly absorbed in chewing each others’ tongues off. Jeanine tried to look away, but there was that wall again.
"Rounding out our top three is the ever fabulous Kymm in Barcelona who gave us The Name of the Game is Resilience. In the comments, someone likened the piece to a Tarantino film, and that seems a pretty appropriate fit. When a writer has such command of the language that she can take risks such as these, you tend to get a really good read."
Jeanine and her makeover walked into a bar. The door shushed behind her, propelled her across the entryway. Via the doorjamb, standing speaker, barstool and pillar, she felt her way to the first empty table, grabbed the back of a chair with both hands and held on. ‘Get your bearings, Jeanine,’ she heard Chrissie’s voice admonish, and Chrissie was right, of course. The chair Jeanine clutched was facing the wall. The wall would never delight in her low-cut blouse and expensive haircut. Jeanine sidled over to the next chair, using the backs as a safety rope. When she heard a chorus of laughter break out at the far end of the bar, she made sure to place her rump squarely in the seat before satisfying her curiosity. College kids. Oh! Callooh! Callay! In her direct line of vision, she now noticed the couple - clipped from a spread in a fashion magazine - who were utterly absorbed in chewing each others’ tongues off. Jeanine tried to look away, but there was that wall again.
‘Get up and go sit at the bar,’ Chrissie’s voice hollered.
‘I will not get up now that I’ve sat down,’ Jeanine thought petulantly. ‘Barkeep!’ she thought emphatically. She tried raising her finger, but the barista was directly behind the tongueboarding couple Jeanine found impossible to avoid. She knew, she just knew, at some point they would turn to stare at her with slack-jawed expressions and one of them would drawl: ‘You’re pathetic, Jeanine.’
Jeanine shook her head. She cut Chrissie off: ‘I know, I know, I’m projecting. If I’m ever to vanquish this funk, that attitude has got to go.’
The door opened and in walked a cowboy, a doctor and a millionaire. Jeanine straightened her necklace. He was surely none of those, yet his shaggy brown hair and bomber jacket were aiming directly for Jeanine’s table. Jeanine’s makeover smiled. Jeanine held her breath as he stopped, grasped one of the chairs and asked: ‘Is this seat taken?’
This is so delightfully surreal. This line..."Jeanine and her makeover" and this: "Jeanine’s makeover smiled." I love what you've done here.
ReplyDeleteSqueee! I'm delighted by your delight. Thanks for the love, Kelly!!
DeleteGreat read, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Grace!
DeleteOooh, nice one kymm! The wall would never delight in her low-cut blouse and expensive haircut - such a crisp piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you, TIZ!
DeleteKymm, this reads just like the best Quentin Tarantino film. Surreal-as Kelly said, a little dark, and brilliantly executed! Excellent, sweet friend-but I didn't figure on anything less from you, Jeanine (or her makeover) !!
ReplyDeleteQT - haha love it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much, Valerie!
DeleteAs for Jeanine - the day I get a makeover will surely be due to some retirement home shenanigans. lol
In walked a cowboy, a doctor and a millionaire.. sounds like the beginning of a great joke... Jeanine and her makeover.. brilliant! I love the tongue boarding couple, and how the wall would never delight in her low cut blouse. Terrific, kymm.. !!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to up my humor quotient, but I've never been good at telling jokes. Gotta hone the timing!
DeleteThanks so much, Steph!
I was glad to see a happy ending for poor Jeanine. She employs a unique voice, and I'd like to know more about her. Why is she so removed? Why does she stumble? Why do I feel so bad for her? Nice job :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you see a happy ending for her! (Personally, I see him taking the chair to another table. But I'm a cynic.) Appreciate the feedback. Thank you, TT!!
Deletegreat 1st line that pitches the tone for the whole story
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marc! I'm glad you think so.
DeleteCaptured by that first amazing line! You didn't disappoint through out either. So sad for her though, perhaps the next one through the door will want to sit down. Great writing Kymm!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you enjoyed it. You know what they say: try, try again... lol Thank you, Glynis!
Delete"Tongueboarding"--I love it! I will not get that term out of my mind for a while (if ever). This tongue-in-cheek piece (if I may use another mouth-related metaphor) is great, but I wonder if I'm misreading you, Kymm. Is Jeanine intoxicated? Even if I'm misinterpreting and she isn't, it communicates the Trifecta challenge-word well. Good work!
ReplyDeleteHahaha sorry to give you that lingering term. There's no misreading me, Leigh. That´s what I love about fiction. I hadn´t written her intoxicated, but in all honesty I knew she was stumbling around the bar, knew she wasn´t blind, so I guess maybe her makeover had a couple before going out : ) Thank you for the insight!
DeleteLove the banter between Jeannine and her makeover. Wonderfully creative. So many tantalizing details.
ReplyDeletelol Tell me you´ve never had conversations with your hair or your makeup. Or your blouse.
DeleteThanks for the love, Tara!
This is so fun, Kymm. I love it. Like the others, you had me from the incredible opening line. And I love the way you continued to personify that makeover through the piece. Excellent, compelling read.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear you enjoyed it. You are very kind. Thanks for the love, Momo!
DeleteThat's one way to break out of a funk :-) Hope she'll sober up enough to enjoy his company thoroughly
ReplyDeleteLet's just say I hope there are other ways. Somehow I don't think she went into the bar to sober up, though.
DeleteThanks, Steve!
You're amazing. This is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm so happy to hear that. I love hilarious. Thank you, Tri!
DeleteVivid, great. I too had that "feel" of a Tarantino scene...:)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, shannoncity!
DeleteSo sorry it took until today to come read! Congrats!!!! This is awesome. I had a million ideas about Jeanine and what was actually happening. My imagination was so happy! The Cowboy did start like a joke and I couldn't wait to see where it landed. Fantastic as always!!!
ReplyDeleteNever be sorry for coming to read! I am so glad to help make your imagination happy. Thank you for such kind words, Gina!
DeleteI love this Kymm.....congrats on your win!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Susan, and thanks for the love!
DeleteLoved the incorporation of the bar joke lines :)
ReplyDeleteEspecially without the punch lines, eh? Thanks for the love, Jody!
DeleteThis is awesome. It should totally be in a Tarantino movie. :-)
ReplyDeleteHahaha Thank you so much, Christi!!
DeleteCongrats on your bronze! Love the idea of vanquishing a funk. I would love to know how Jeanine's night plays out. I don't see it being straightforward.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I don't know that you really do want to see how Jeanine's night ends... Thanks for the love, Sarah!
DeleteClever! Great story
ReplyDeleteI thank you kindly, H.L.!
DeleteYou've written a humorous and captivating story. I echo all of the previous comments.
ReplyDeleteHey, lum!! Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it.
DeletePersonifying the makeover is inspired! It's great. I hope the guy is nice. Sounds like she deserves it!
ReplyDeleteHaha We so rarely get what we deserve, though... Thank you so much, F&F!
DeleteCongratulations on your well deserved bronze!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, MTO!
Delete