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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Time


No one actually says ‘It’s time’. No one has ever said those words to me. In fact, people are still hesitant to send me pictures. They’ll email a scanned photograph from his childhood, adolescence, youngmanhood and excuse themselves.
Sorry, they say, we don’t want to open up any wounds.
What wound? I think. Oh, this gaping hole?
Don’t worry, I reply, the picture is sweet. I love it.
They cannot imagine this wound ever healing.
Once a friend told me a friend of hers felt a huge relief at finally scattering the ashes. She looked hard at me. She smiled. I made an attempt to smile back. I nodded my head. I’m guessing she bit her tongue, because she never mentioned time.

At first it is the hours that pass, then the days. Weeks, let’s be honest here, nobody marks time in weeks. Weekends, maybe; Fridays or Mondays. (You’d be surprised how weekends can lead you to understand certain religious concepts like purgatory and limbo.) Months, seasons, a year. The days marked off as firsts. First non-birthday, first light bulb changed, first holiday, first appliance broken down. One day you realize you haven’t cried for two days in a row. Another day you realize he’s been gone longer than you were together.

Still no one uses time to accuse me. They talk about how long it’s been, can’t believe it. Sometimes they will look at me – I can read the look – but still no one ever suggests that it might be time. They cannot imagine. It might even be on the tips of their tongues to say, Found someone new?, wishing to see me happy so they could stop being terrified. Then their look softens. They cannot imagine. I could tell them, but I don’t. It will never be time.

   TIME (noun) 3a : an appointed, fixed, or customary moment or hour for something to happen, begin, or end

30 comments:

  1. A very perceptive piece. Well done.

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  2. They cannot imagine.. a great refrain. I've had this happen, and what I got was, Isn't it time.... As you say, they cannot imagine. Great piece!

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    1. I'm quite thankful I don't get much of it.
      Thanks, Steph!

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  3. Time is so different for each person and the situation they are in. It passes in its own inevitable way, yet the measure of it is personal.
    Nicely done!

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    1. It's all relative, isn't it?
      Thank you, Renee!

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  4. How sad. Terrible to think it will never be time again.

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    1. After a while, it seems more terrible from the outside looking in, sometimes.

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  5. Replies
    1. Glad for the touching, sorry for the heartbreaking.

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  6. "What wound? I think. Oh, this gaping hole?"
    I adore the sardonic, cynical tone. It works wonderfully.

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    1. So glad you got that. Thanks, Jess!

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  7. This is so sad. You worked in some great details, which made the story so real. I like the last paragraph. It really sums up her inability to move on.

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    1. Sorry for the sad, Janna, but glad for the like. Thank you!

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  8. Hey, Hi, Nice Trifecta.

    Please allow me to present to you the Liebster Award!

    Whether to accept or not is up to you. Details in this post: http://uttleystake.com/2013/03/14/the-liebster/

    Cheers!
    Uttley

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  9. The pain shows so clearly through this whole piece. It's really powerful. Amazing work!

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    1. Glad for the power. Thank you so much, Draug!

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  10. Very powerful, I like the matter of fact tone in a story that is really very painful. Great one

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    1. Oh, good, I'm glad you like the tone. Thank you, Björn!

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  11. This is so lovely and sad. I love the way you built this up gradually to the conclusion. Well done.

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    1. So glad you loved the construction. Thanks, lumdog!

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  12. This is just so terribly sad...especially with the restraint she has, others would break and scream at them, but the restraint drains the energy even more...well done

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    1. Thanks, Managua! Restraint... well, in all fairness, it has been a while.

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  13. Really touching. I thoroughly enjoyed this

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    1. Glad for touching and enjoyment. Thanks, HL!

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  14. The meaning of "time" is so different for everyone-our perceptions,our emotions & how we relate to others ,all gets defined by time.Sometimes,our losses are so deep that time freezes for us-its difficult to explain to someone else what that loss means-as you rightly pointed that "gaping hole"-it never gets filled,the void continues.They say time heals but I believe,not always-we just learn to live with it as an inherent part of ourselves-we just exist.This poignant piece touched me very deeply Kymm.

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    1. Wow, I can tell by your comment how deeply.
      The huge misbelief is that healing takes you back before the wound. Healing leaves scarring, places that never function properly again, chronic or recurring pain... Yeah, you learn to live with it.
      Thanks so much, Atreyee!

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