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Wednesday, December 11, 2013

What a World

I let my guard down and fell – whump! – in love with him. I landed like a ton of bricks -bricks made out of heartbreak, distrust, and misguided hope- that I carried around on my broad, squared shoulders. Nothing broke in the fall, nothing but a bit of cynicism and a few shards of jaded lens.

When I dusted myself off, I found there was love: a true love, sweet and all-consuming. Yet, while I let my guard down, I kept my defenses up. He gained privileged access, but the rest of you remained on the other side of my white picket fence, where I gazed on you with suspicion, sniffed at your pretensions, and muttered behind your backs.

I nurtured our allies, rallied against those of you who would scorn or cold-shoulder or taunt. I was happy, self-satisfied, content. I had a plan and the means to fulfill it. I didn’t need you. I needed no one.

He though! He needed nothing but what he could give away: to me, to you, to anyone. He closed his door to nothing, to no one, and then something deadly strode in. It didn’t kill love or trust or hope, but it did kill him. In the killing, it taught him nothing, but I learned, finally, how to melt. At first it was just a meltdown, a crying jag that went on in the subway and at the gym, in the shower and at the coffee shop. Then it began softening my hard edges, rendering my layers permeable until I could take you all in, let you under my skin, and, like him, see you, hear you, feel you.

Then he left, and I, like the Wicked Witch of the West, melted away. (What a world! What a world!) And instead of sneering at Glinda, at her goody-two-shoes, I tried them on. They didn’t fit very well, and made me walk with a limp, but I learned to tread lightly, and to lead with a wand.

34 comments:

  1. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, They change the rules.

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    1. And man, do They suck.
      Thanks, Tara!

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  2. This is really good, Kymm! Love the language, the narration and the phrases - "I landed like a ton of bricks -bricks made out of heartbreak, distrust, and misguided hope"... Great entry!

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    1. Happy to hear you think so. Thanks for the love, TIZ!

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  3. Sad, a little bit humorous and finally, hopeful. The last paragraph is brilliant. Love her hard-earned self-awareness. I'd like to meet her. Great work, as always, kymm.

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    1. Haha - she'd love to meet you, Steph!
      Thank you for the love. I'm not entirely happy with the way this turned out. Will fb you.

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  4. I love that first sentence! This line is so true for many of us that were hurt in one way or another. "Yet, while I let my guard down, I kept my defenses up." Sad, yet hopeful .....like the OZ!

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    1. I didn't seem to be able to use melt without going to Oz...
      Thanks for all the sentence love, Glynis!

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  5. There is some magical hopefulness in this that shines through the vulnerability and hurt. Delightful read. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Ohh, I like the shining through, and the delight. Thanks, Tri!

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  6. What a gem of a piece Kymm!Loved everything about this-such beautiful words !Loved this the most-"At first it was just a meltdown, a crying jag that went on in the subway and at the gym, in the shower and at the coffee shop. Then it began softening my hard edges, rendering my layers permeable until I could take you all in, let you under my skin, and, like him, see you, hear you, feel you."Fabulous ending too:-)

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    1. What lovely things to say, Atreyee, especially as I am a bit unsure of this piece. Thank you for the love!

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  7. I hear that Dr. Scholl has something to take care of that limp. Just sayin'. Brilliantly evocative--I felt those tears on my own cheeks.

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    1. Harharhar Dr. Scholl. Glad to have connected with you, Tina. Thanks!

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  8. what TMW said

    this was easy to read and like...loved it

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    1. That's great to hear (re my doubts). Thanks for the love, Lance!

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  9. You had me at "whump"! In this story, I feel like I've just witnessed the evolution of the main character. The last paragraph was great - it made me chuckle, but also left me feeling a sense of hope for this character.

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    1. Haha - whump was the only part I was sure about!
      Thanks for sharing about the character - that was part of what I was after. And appreciate the chuckle, too.
      Thanks, Janna!

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  10. That last paragraph beams. Nicely done, Kymm :))

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    1. Beaming, that's so nice of you to say. Thank you, Jo-Anne!

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  11. I love the vibrant, driving language of this, so perfectly conveyed the depth of emotion. That first paragraph in particular was just great.

    Marc nash

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    1. It's nice to hear of things being conveyed, and with such nice words.
      Thanks for the love, Marc!

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  12. Sweet Kymm, I wish I could pad those shoes of yours with hugs. I'm glad hope did shine through sorrow, and that wobbly or not, you are back on your feet. This was a beauty of a piece, my friend. xx

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    1. Ohhh, I can feel your warmth across the ocean, Valerie! Thank you for that, and for your kind words.

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  13. This needs to be read out loud - it feels like a spoken piece. It's really just wonderful. There's an energy in your language. The narrator goes through so many ups and downs, but she keeps going, and I felt that. Wonderful work.

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    1. I love that it wants to be read out loud. Thank you so much, Christine!
      Nice to hear that it came through as ups and downs rather than just chaos : )

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  14. Definitely not just chaos, as I read it. I loved every bit of it, but especially the first paragraph. Great write, Kymm!

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    1. Oh, good to hear. Thanks for the love, momo!!

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  15. Love the metaphors you are using.. the white picket fence.. really worked very well.

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    1. That's so nice to hear. Thanks for the love, Björn!

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  16. Oh, Kymm! I LOVE this. The voice is so perfect. What an emotional journey this takes the reader on! it flows so well, and is incredibly heartfelt. Amazing piece! Oh, and here's a huge virtual hug: ***HUG***

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    1. What lovely things to say. I am ambivalent about this, so I take heart from your having gone on a journey with it.
      Thanks for the love, Ivy, and for the hug!
      *wraps the HUG in a hug*

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