Our high school track coach is a drill sergeant. I don’t think she’s been in the army, but I’m not about to ask. I don’t want to get close enough for her to chew me up and spit me out. In case she’s looking for an excuse. I really want her to put me on the relay team with Cheryl. Cheryl is a sprinting goddess. The thing is, like any goddess, she’s kinda self-involved. She tends to slow up at the finish line. For the photograph.
So Coach has been telling us how we have to learn to run past the finish line, stretch out and reach for it with our entire bodies. She’s after us again today.
“You ladies have heard the expression ‘win by a nose’, correct?”
We nod, but of course Cheryl has to pipe up: “That’s for horses, Coach.”
I hide behind Cheryl just in case, but Coach ignores her.
“Stick your necks out and some of you, Moriarty here, could win by a nose. And that’s good for the team.”
Comprehending, feeling like I need to share, I say: “I won by a tush once.”
“What?” Coach turns towards my voice. I step out from behind Cheryl.
“Speed skating.” I smile, thinking of my trophy. “I was ahead, about to win, when I tripped and fell on the ice, right on my keister.”
“Usually grounds for disqualification,” says Coach, about to turn away.
“Yeah,” I say, still sort of smiling. “But I slid right over the finish line, butt first.” I turn to Cheryl. “Got the trophy to prove it.”
Cheryl steps in front of me. She stands with her hand on one hip, chest out. She has the biggest boobs in school. “Can’t win a sprint ass first, can you?” she says.
“That’s it, Cheryl!” Coach hoots. “When you reach for the finish, lead with your chest. Get those tits over the finish line for the win.”
“I got the trophy to prove it,” I say again.
'13 Untitled (Sally) 51,668;
'12 Barcelona Clash 51,878;
'11 Mojo Madness 52,793;
'10 Changing Directions 53,400;
'09 Daybreak 56,565;
'08 Vacant 52,486
This is priceless, my friend! Simply priceless. I'll never again hear the expression "win by a nose" without conjuring up the lively and colorful story you've told here;) Delightful little story, Kymm!
ReplyDeleteHahaha. So glad you enjoyed this, sweet friend.
DeleteWhat if I told you more than one sprint was won by a nipple?
Thank you, Valerie!
I love this scene! Winning by a tush is such a great mental image. I have no idea why, but it makes me think of the Toy Story scene where Buzz Lightyear sets out to prove he can fly and jealous Woody tells him it was falling with style!
ReplyDeleteHahaha Love that, sliding in with style.
DeleteThanks for the love, Janna!
This was a fun one. I enjoyed the banter and the egos at play.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed it.
DeleteThanks for the visit, Tylia!
I loved how the narrator was trying so very hard to impress Cheryl! Who cares how you win the race--butt first or boobs first? It's all good!
ReplyDeleteWhatever gets over the line first! lol
DeleteThanks for the love, Tina!
Oh, man, laugh-out-loud funny. Great dialogue. Great images. Great story. Love love love.
ReplyDeleteHow I love to hear a laugh out loud!
DeleteThank you so much for all that love, Kelly!
This is fantastic. My daughter was a sprinter and they used to say something similar ("get those big boobs over the line first."). Great dialog.
ReplyDeleteHaha. I never had the boobs for it, myself. Thanks so much, Gina!
DeleteI can see this scene playing out in high school. Great dialogue.
ReplyDeleteGlad you could see it. Thank you, Tara!
DeleteThis is so funny. Brilliant. What characters.. I love the way she hides behind Cheryl. Just great, kymm.. I love it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you found it funny. Thanks for the love, Steph!
DeleteLove the whole idea of winning by a tush. That's some inventive thinking!
ReplyDeleteHaha. There aren't too many things you can win by a tush. Thanks, EA!
Deletereally well written with perfect word choices and style
ReplyDeleteliked it a lot, kymm
So glad you liked it, Lance, thank you!!
DeleteLOL!!! I remember those days. We had a Cheryl in the group too. Love the voice of your narrator,' in the end' she won!!
ReplyDeleteHaha There is always a Cheryl.
DeleteNice to hear the laugh. Thanks for the love, Glynis!
heh, this is cute.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Draug!
DeleteSuch believable characters - especially how the narrator repeats the line about the trophy because no one acknowledged it. Spot on. Excellent piece, Kymm.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the repeat. Thanks so much, momo!
DeleteHa!ha!Too cute Kymm!Loved the whole scene and the images it conjured up in my over fertile imagination ;-)
ReplyDeleteWondering what you are doing to those poor girls in that imagination of yours...
DeleteThanks for the love, Atreyee!
Haha sticking out body parts - love it.
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much, Jo-Anne!
Priceless! LMAO!! Yes she won by a tit! That is hilarious. Thank you for the giggle! ♥
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! So glad to hear the giggling. Thank you, Kathy!
DeleteWonderfully colorful writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Aesop!
DeleteAnytime characters and dialogue are lifelike I feel so happy. I didn't laugh out loud ONLY because my boss was nearby, but trust me that I would have if I wasn't being monitored a bit!!!
ReplyDeleteSo pleased to hear, happy readers are the best! (I do a lot of reading at work, so I hear ya.)
DeleteThank you, Julia!
OMG. LOVE. This is hilarious. It reminds me of one of my favorite bloggers, Ann's Rants. Check out her middle school writing stuff. It cracks me up every time. Great job with the prompt. Great job with the voice. Great job working 'tits' into your post.
ReplyDeleteWill check out the blog. So glad for the laugh, and thankful for the love, Tri!
Delete'tits' just makes everything better.
Ha! Ha! Love that line! Good one!
ReplyDeleteGood to hear you laugh, Joe, thanks!
Delete